A Foolish Learner...

Random abstractions.

2010-02-16T00:59:00.000-08:00

Ah! what do i say about the extremities of a regular thinking human's thought.
The complexity is a boon we live with. The beauty lies in appreciating it.One who can appreciate need not understand. One who understands will not appreciate.

Simplification is what a mind sort out for. But the process to simply is the most complex creation. When every one is a creator by his own will, and when every one only ends up creating his own destiny. The mystery lies in how it happens. "God knows" THEY say... "know it to be god" the other-they say...

The self contradictory nature of a thought ascertains to the law of change. Redundancy still maintained, to remain as food for the new thoughts. You need to have thought about a few things by certain time in life. you can always start fresh.when communication hinders the beauty in abstraction, there is no transfer. The abstract was never meant to give the true picture. But there is more abstraction encountered when u want to look for it.A solution is assumption. Hence comes the miscommunication. Those lines written seek a readers attention.They are just for me to think more. To contradict myself on the notes of contradiction written.

I know more than i need, i do less than i can.

The more the minds asks for the more it looses it.

TreatMeant ...

2008-07-14T23:59:00.000-07:00

...spoiled

squeezed by my master, with all his unconscious might, waking me up from a peaceful sleep, i still lay silent with respect, not saying a word to him. After all it is my master who loves me so much that i remain his soul companion to everyplace he goes n the only reason his vision is all memorable.

Back to consciousness, the master could never realize that it was him who resulted fatal injury. Not being able to digest my state, the master got terribly worried. with a cry,bleeding his brain n perpetually restless face, he took me up quivering to see my plight. there i was with no seen damage yet unable to talk...

Master got me to the best available treatment place in the region- my hospital... only to find out that my master cant afford my recovery here... the doc said " its a costly affair to change the whole ribcage, but don't worry it is still possible... just that it ll cost u a bit"

Master never opened the fact to me. it was all clear though.

I asked my master to take my grandpa with him. we were the only 2 in our family who have been serving our master. the rest have their on masters. i m glad because my master knows me,at least as much as my parents did.

my grandpa is aged, but active, slow but effective. it ll take some time for my master to get back to work with my grandpa. i hope i recover soon. so that i can treat my master with all my energy.

My master's friends never liked me. They never wanted me to stay with him, as i was found a disturbance to them mostly. but my master never left me. what would happen to me if hes not there with me. may be a new master would come in. but thank god. my master is good enough to take care of me...

i lay in the hospital like an alien. master is trying his best sources to make the 'bit' asked by the doctor...

the time - the most consistent thing in the universe was showing off itself with out getting tired. its running away. i finally heard the master. he was talking to the doctor. "Doc. i made the bit u asked for ready. took a mighty effort in understanding "bytes" to make this bit"

i dont know if i should be elated to dejected. i m a poor chap who's existence would make no difference to the world. n my master is still exploring the world to guard me...

All arrangements are finally made for my operation. i hope i see the master before going in. but 'NO' said the doc. no visitor till my treatment ends he said.

Its all over. i m back to senses. only 2 out of the 3 were normal. my eyes now are not the same as before... i don't understand physical sciences. neitehr does my master. i just don't understand how my sight is gone with my rib cage changed...

I wish i see my master now. Sadly, it remains only a wish.

Later, one day, I could hear him yelling at the doc. the apologies continued from the latter side. finally it ended up with the doc asking for some more time. but my master has an assignment v soon. n i need a specialist from hongkong to come over to cure me. "its not going to happen" i said to myself," i cant go with the master.i cant trouble him the each time he sees me."

My master, with no other option left had to leave me there. making all the arrangements for my stay here, the master left... left me here to leave for his new assignment. the masters friends who disliked me are the ones who ll take me back to him once i get well... till then is my grandpas turn. i m still an alien in this brotherhood...

i am waiting for the discharge. to open my vision to see a fresh new world. to serve my master with all my senses at work...

with faith n patience i wait here. God, pls give me some strength

Peace

I

2008-06-25T02:31:00.001-07:00

i m not the I i think when i m referring to myself. the I i think is the same I u think.

But the real I is not I.... I m in this body n m making this body think about I. to conclude I made this body think that I m none that can b understood by this body.

WHO am I??? - who is this body or who am I? this body has its identities physical n mental... i m with it to make it do watevr it is doing....

I m not this body. am just a traveler who owns a vehicle called a body. the performance of the vehicle is important to a person who goes on a long journey. If i m very next to my destination, n m jus figuring out the entrance to it, do i need the vehicle at all?

dats y i have no plans of making this body thin.....

Quarantine.......

2008-06-02T12:09:00.001-07:00

With the effect of affecting the undiscovered creation of the divineself within, ends the set of 6 journeys .. each for a redlight frequency of 1.2X10^& sec, and yet a displacement ZERO in the visible dimensions. the limit of the next axis hasnt been defined but jus understood by the self as it has its own defintion that is yet undefined to itself.

This has definetly left behind a maim,that is inversly proportional to the time axis, yet an uncurable impression. Now i wish to wish to learn to learn the hardest way. The hardest way to let me know that its all an apprehensive approach to reach a new destination.

taare zameen par...

2007-12-19T12:41:00.000-08:00

bacchein....

children....pure little innocent creatures...

There is my mom's bro, whos elder son stays with us frm the childhood.i was only 6 years whn he came in.... n my sis was an year old .... so it was a 3 children at home n 2 wer barely able to talk.... i was considered big... was supposed to be matured bcoz there r 2 more 2 follow... that was the way my mom told me... i nvr aftr that had a chance of mischief.... by the time i realisd i was supposed to it was 2 late n there were 2 forthe same now.... i was with them all thru... i was five times their age to strt off... now m only less than 3/2 of their age.... they r catching up pretty fast...

june , 2003

i was in hyderebad...i got a news saying that there was one more comin to join the trio...My mom's havin a second nephew.... was a bit shcoked... it was almst a 11 years aftr v wer struggling to keep 3 of ourselves together... v hav an another one to join us....but the excitement still persisted in me... i was waitin for this one to comeout...

i had enuf children around to play with.... but i wasnt able to undrstnd wat thy r like... though they used to take time in getting along.... i wud make thm remembr me for as long as possile..

it was december 18th 2003... got the news that "its a boy"... my dad didnt make haste in naming him... hes our new pet.... i came home for this new entryaftr a month...the first glance was the best of him i evr had... went close... took him up for the first time.... i was shivering instead ...didnt want to hurt him at all... his hands n legs wer too small ...as big as my
fingers... n they were dancing luking at the new face...

It was then i undestood the joy that a child can get his parents... i nvr felt so whn my sis n cousin were born... this tld me "bacche , tu bada hogaya beta"

the beauty of the best time is jus blooming out... Always looking around demanding attetion... he is understanding my gestures... hes wants my hand to play... he is happy whn i m around... this is a life time feeling that i experienced... Hes talking....jus lookin at him got me bliss supreme... Now i drop him to school n pick him up back home... get him watevr he wants silently( no chocolates allowed at home)... n get back as innocent people... i make him understnd that nothin shud go out at home... unfortunately thtas the first thing to come out frm him.. "atamma... mannimama chakaletu(chocolate) konichadu"... this repeats inspite....

4 years passed.,. i wish him a v happy budday....

now i realise y children r the mst prefered ones for mst of the ads, evn though they hav nothin to do wd the commodity... This is the time i think further...i fear he might nt be the same the nxt time i see him aftr 5 months.... he ll bcome big in few years.... he ll bcm maturd... all his childish demands ll vanish... he ll try to make sense whn evr he puts in a point... may b he ll blog about a small kid he wud com in contact wd aftr few years like wat i m doin now... He ll finally n properly enter the WORLD ... a transmission that makes him forget his childhood past... it is said that children r one wd god.... true i feel... they r pure.. n god is pure (v assume)...

I don want him to bcm one with the wrld n in the wrld... but wanna rewind n redirect time...

Time... the most important and valuable resource... may b things can b got back wd time...but nt time itself...

Its again ones own priority how to use it... v miss a lot of things wd time... so better realise wat v r goin to miss if nt done now... act accordingly...

My last semester in college with all our batchmates to comeup... i dunno if things go as planned whn they have to... i wsh i don miss anything... sacrifices do occur at times...

So people... lets nvr look back n say " i shud hav done it, n now i cant"... lets hope to do our best to enjoy ... remembr that hope is a gud thing, may b the best of things(the best of things in this world are nt things)...

"kyun is kadar hairaan tu.. mausam kahe mehmaan tu... duniya saji tereliye... kudhko zaraa pehchaan tu... tu dhoop hai chamsepigal... tu hai nadii yuun bekabar... udchalkahi... dil kush jaha ..teri tho manzil hai wahi...tujhme agar pyaas hai ... baarish ka ghar ab paas hai... roke thujhe koi kyun bhala... sansakte hai yeh aakash hai...roshan hui saari zameen ...jagmag hua saara zamaan... udne ko tu aazaad hai.. bandan koi ab hai kahaan..."

Keep smiling....

Kalalu kane kaalalu... ( The time of Dreams)

2007-09-06T02:04:00.000-07:00

All these days i was succesful i makin 8 drafts n not completing any of them to make thm a complete post...i didnt knw wat i finally meant while writing them... the same old confusion still persists in me... WAT AM I DOIN??is the only question that i keep asking... n i mange to answer each sutiation with a different xplaination... then the ncxt question comes... who am i to take these decisions... y am i so concerned about things that i don hav to think of n least bothered about my duties... 'i ll not repent for anything in life' is the only thing i keep tellin myself... now i decided( like i hav dun many a time b4) that i ll stop thinking about... i knw that ll not happen...

This One month in campus was one of the best times i had here... for the first time in this campus life i hav made enemies... i m not sure if i can use that wrd... but i knw i hav lost the trust of many freinds... i jus knw that i hav not gone out of my mind in doin things that hurt thm... finally i could succeed in wat i was tryin for... this month started well for me... i came early with my cousin... had gud time... goin home for 4 days jus b4 elections was fun... i had once in a life type of time at home for the 3 days i was there.... i knw i m not goin in deatils of the mentions i hav been making... i jus don want to... anyways even if i do... i knw ppl who ll read my blog n i hav already tld u wat i m talking about... reviewing wat the last month had in store for me - film club, big break,dance n dramatics clubs, kernel, ability foundation video, home,Rakhi elections n janmastami.... ( 9, this also goes like ur song in desaragam :P)

One new thing i hav started these days is to read..... wat ever it may be i mreadingit.... i started of with news paper.... although not doin complete justice to it (xcept for solving sudoku in them :P) .... started reading blogs... doin this gave me an idea of how dumb i m ... i jus read a wonderful I WONDER post , which added up to my enough confusion... all intellectual frens i hav... some times cant undertand wat they r talking about... Placements helped me realise i wudnt evn get into a bus if i continue to b like this... now my focus has turned technical... priorities hav been made... now i xpect to start of fresh frm the scratch...

Looking bak will only help me realise my responsibilities... n having such wondeful frens ll nvr make me loose hope... i proudly say i m lucky to have them... thank u all for being there... i wish i write a blog on each of them some day in life...

ontaraina otamaina venta niliche needa neeve...... o my friend tadikannulane tudichna nestama...(let it b loniness r times of defeat u stand by my like a shadow.... o my friend ...u r the one whos all ways there to wipe my tears...)

i m gettin sentimental when i think of a day after 2 years... ll have to take things as they come...its all life...

I wsh all my friends best of luck for the comin semester...

BHULOKA VAIKUNTAM....illu......

2007-07-22T10:48:00.001-07:00

i found an interesting article when i was goin thru the recent edition of the magazine SOCIETY... it was regarding the spiritual side of bussiness barrons..... it had wnderfully written things about each of sch ppls life viz.,. anil ambani,mukesh ambani,vijay mallaya, yash birla etc... each has heir own special way of xplaining things..... after all spiritualism has bcm ones own convection of looking at it.... no one actually can prove the other to b wrong bcoz in the process somewr he ll hav to go against his own principles....watever... they hav a place for spiritualism.....

Y is this so?? is this a trend in all rich ppl??? thinkin in the psychological point of view.... a man who earns so mch ll hav the same feeling to loose everything the same way he has gained.... therefore feels a sense of insecurity n ll get attracted to god..... sch big business barrons hav also come into business wd god......... u gimme more i ll give u 10% of wat i get..... lol.... being in tirupathi i get to hear quite frequently things like" there wer 10 crores found in hundi today", "i devotee( name unknwn) has given 20 kgs of gold to god"..... hahahaha.... y do they drag god into this.??v don find this huge dropping wd da middle class.... bcoz they knw wat they hav come for.... they want more n ll promise to give him once he gets them more..... but when asked about all this all those ppl hav beautifully framed answers.... i don say everyones like that.... but majority has bcm so.... hehe cant help it....as mentioned in b4 posts ...self realisation is wat is required n hardly ppl nowadays knw that they r taking gods refuge for the very self realisation.... now i knw some might ask me if this isnt my perception that i m talking like this.... hehee thats wat i believe...n i hav strong reasons for that.... ask me in person if interested....

after reading the article....i started thinking.... if i was one of them wat would i do..... probably i wud b like a bit similar to vijay mallaya..... hes the ms lavish spendor i hav ever heard of.... he has a pocket money of a crore per day...... he needs a new car wer ever he goes frm his companies associated..... i think he would hav bcm the richest if he was like the ambanis...but this fellow is diff.... now if i was him..... would i spend soo mch also is a question..... i knw loads can b done wd so mch of money.... i would hav done wat i actually am wishing for...(don ask me ..)its a secret//... i appereciate him 4 nt aiming higher than he has reached n enjoying all that he does wd soo mch pleasure.... all does he starts ll nvr cost his happiness n enjoyment....

diff values add to the personalities of diff individuals..... spiritualism is also an value that ppl r looking for nowa days...... ppl r looking for all round developement in thier lifes i.e., physical,mental, emotional n spirtual..... again ....its all relative......

ppl hav degraded frm wat they wer to wat they r today..... keepin spirtualism aside for a while.... i satrted thinking of wat i hav been seeing for all these years.... corruption evrywer.... i donno if u ppl hav heard of this LANCO HILLS project..... its a 16000 crore project..... each aparment tehre costs frm 1 crore -5 crores..... n to my surprise 80% of them wer booked on the first day itself.... i can imagine how the meaning n respect to the wrd crorepati has changd oflate..... there r soo many of them...... 800 apartments in a day is nt a small thing.... i jus mean to say that i wrld has turned soo materialstic now.... cant help it.....

i was at my grandmoms place yesterday..... they wer so happy that i came.... my grandmoms mom is also der wd her.... i could feel the happiness in them when icame....n the xpression they had when i was leaving.... they dont hav ppl to listen to them.... they wer so happy when i started asking them things n satreted listening to them attentively..... i wshed i was wd them for more time..... this is wat i want.... y do v need money wd sch xperiences althru.... wat do v do wd crores.... wat can anyone do for that matter.... can the 4000 crores house of mukesh ambani get him all these happiness... he had a choice n he chose money to all these things.... his discretion though.....

PACHANI CHIKULAKU TODUNTE PADE KOYILA VENTUNTE ... BHULOKAME AANANDANIKI ILLOYI.... LOKAM LO KANNERINKA JALLU....... i m bac to rahmans composition .. this song simply tels wat i hav been try hard all thru this post.....v shud enjoy ourselves till v r fed up wd the wrld around..... then only v r fit for spiritual living.....

Lets c wat happens to all of us in future..... i m afraid....

HOW TO LOVE GOD....

2007-07-15T13:21:00.000-07:00

today i was in chenai wd my dad..... as the speciality of time during gurucharitra parayan always goes..... i got a msg today..... it read UNIVERSAL MESSAGE OF THE AVATAR.... it was a msg phamphelt.... i started reading it n could find something that practical in spirituality.... his wrds had great depth yet so simple.... wanted to post them as soon as i read them....

To love god in the mst practical way is to love our fellow beings. if we feel others in the same way as we fell for our own dear ones, we love god.

If, instead of seeing faults in others, we look in ourselfs, we are loving god.

If, instead of robbing others to help ourselves, we rob ourselves to help others, we are loving god.

If we suffer in the sufferings of others and feel happy in the happiness of others, we are loving god.

If, instead of thinking of our own misfortunes, we think ourselves more fortunate than many many others, we are loving god.

If we endure our lot with patience and contentment, accepting it as his will, we are loving god.

If we understand and feel the greatest act of devotion and worship to god is not to hurt or harm any of his beings, we are loving god.

To love god as he ought to be loved , we must live for god and die for gos, knowing that da goal of life is to love god, and find him as ourself.

MEHAR BABA.....

this i got frm my uncle at injambakkam..... v happened to der on some dads wrk..... this he got frm avatars abode near brisbane recently...... to tel u about meher baba....he was a perfect master..... who lived for 44 years in silence n satisfying all his devotees.... his wrds still ring bells in my mind" REAL HAPPINESS LIES IN MAKING OTHERS HAPPY" its a simple knw fact.... but once u xperince u ll knw wat it means....

Love is essentially self communicative;those who do not have it catch it frm those who hav it, those who receive love frm others cannot be its recipients without giving a response which, in itself, is the nature of love. true love is unconquerable and irresistable. it goes on gathering power and spearding itself until eventually it transforms evryone it touches......this is wat the last page of the phamphelt read....... but wer is the true love in this wrld of illusion.... true love brings to my mind meera.... such is the love talked about here....love wd faith surrender devotion n patience...all these dont need intellligence to fiddle with in...there is no need for one to use thier intellect to love god...hardly find such ppl in the present society.... afterall its the age of kali......its all business.... WAT M I GETTING OUT OF IT? is the only thing thats asked for in every move v make..... m nt blaming anyone for this.... life is like dat..... its the law of nature....it never dis satisfies anyone....all that is nt for us to knw.... as i said shudnt use our intellect ... shud keep learning....

I, the came across the seven REALITIES.....

The only REAL EXISTENCE is that of the one and only god, who is the self in every(finite) self.

The only REAL LOVE is the love for this infinity(god),which arouses an intense longing to see, know and become one with its truth(god).

The only REAL SACRIFICE is that in which , in pursurance of this love, all things, body, mind, position, welfare, and even life itself are sacrificed.

The only REAL RENUNCIATION is that which abandons even in the midst of wrldly duties, all selfish thoughts and desires.

The only REAL KNOWLEDGE is the knowledge that god is the inner dweller in good people and so called bad, in saint ad so called sinner. This knowledge requires you to hlp all equally as circumstances demand, without xpectation of reward, ad when compelled to take part in a disputr, to act with out the slightest trace of enemity or hatred; to try to make other happy with brotherly or sisterly feeling for each one; to harm no one in thought, word, or deed, not even those who harm u.

The only REAL CONTROL is the discipline of the senses frm indulgence in low desires, which alone ensures absolute putiry of character.

The only REALSURRENDER is the is that in which poise is undisturbed by any adverse circumstance, and the individual, admist every kind of hardship is resigned wth perfect calm to the will of god.

This 7 realities as they r called are enough to understand life if put into practice..... but v knw v dont...jus bcoz is nt easy n v r nt used to it..... lets c ...i hope one day i would follow atleast few of them..... follwoing them ll include taking out the wrds like "i" frm my mind.....so following them means that i cant even hope to follow them...who am i ??? when i say "i" , i m breeding egosim in me......... after such indifference wd the absolute only ll u attain the real goal i.e, self realisation....

Y shud i write all this for ppl to c..... i didnt get this question till i typed all this..... i don knw the answer... n i don wanna use my intellect again.....only a thought of posting this made me so.....

coming completely back to the title...... i would like to sum it up saying.... loving god is only possible wd shradda( faith n trust wd concentration) n saburi( patience n keeping that faith irrespective of time)

the concept of gos is in itself so deep..... that abouslute cosmic energy, wer there is no dualism like sadness n happiness etc.,. is wat v want to xperience....only then woud our heart b contented ... only way for us is self realisation.... lets hope v do something b4 v go......

maya maya..maye chaya...chaye maya...... i can nevr forget ths.....

ll b bac soon....

punch to ps........

2007-07-05T12:25:00.000-07:00

So, finally i m back after a long time......

punch n 9.....i m pretty late....... i wshd i wd post one everyday..... didnt happen.....

finally got net....... but its like 50 ps per min at day n free at nite..... lol....some times i thnk about wat made that connector get sch weird tots of having net at nite free n stuff.......

i dedicate this blog to punch.......sch a great person...... nt everyone can actually get to meet sch ones...... fan of rahamn....this makes it so easy for me to make frenz...... all sch things can b knwn by talking to him.... but u hav a lot to learn frm this person..... simplicity, dedication, devotion n no emotion.......wat else can a man want.....i owe a lot to him jus bcoz he has always clarified my queries in the rite way...... i get the rite answers to some really weird question i get..... nt only this..... if nt for punch i would hav missed all classes in bits..... he wakes me up soo patiently ...... i nevr responded well....still he nevr forgets to wake me up on any day......... lot to learn frm him...... let me c wer he fianlly reaches....

for that matter i hav sch great ppl around me......who r like the bst of sch kinds...... i hope to atleast learn 1% of wat i actually shud learn frm them..... i m waiting for all those to reach great heights... n then wanna reflect to myself how they did it.... interestingly some of them feel they dont deserve to b engineers at all...lol.... they don realise they r someone great.... all sch frenz only ll reach great milestones in life...... they knw things better than anyone n still dnt agrre wd it.... tough to undrstnd great souls.....

now let me start off my blog properly....

i reached home after a one of weird journes i hav evr had....... finally decided shouldnt travel wd many frenz...... u cant sit at a place then.....as soon as i reached , i started crying..... something actually happened to me after seeing mom n dad.... i think this was the longest seperation time v evr had....... i cried to realise my foolishness..... but some questions don hav answers as n wen v want them..... dad has been so kind..... i do feel lucky everytime i chat wd him..... but i m nt living upto wat he wants me to....... he isnt asking mch either.... jus some bare minimum things that i lack as of now.... mom is like no other in this wrld...... nt dat she cooks gud food n guides us althru....jus dat she reads my mind b4 i want anything to b don......things do look miracoulous many a time.....

then for a week v wer all off to shirdi...... had gud time n xperiences dr.... came bac on 23rd i.e, jus b4 ps......met phani..... who has reached by then....... lol..... my ps would hav been dumb wdout him around.....(although he made me fall...)

finally this ps started off...... went wd our instructor to the station on the first day....its some 15 kms frm tirupathi.....n 20kms frm home...... so biking everyday....this is a big distance here....lol....v bcm soo gud o our instructor that he trusts us the mst..... he only came to our company twice........ i had frenz for some weekends n relatives for other weekends..... i was in chennai for 2 weekends..... if none i was to take care of phani......had piyush n 9 here....... loads of other cming after ps...... lot promissed but yet to come.....

unlike punch .....i was nt getting bored....... i really feel sry for u punch...... don wry jus 10 days lft....this might b bcoz i was at home...... my sis started thinking like how i used to in my 10th........ but i had a diff atmospere to learn..... i want to teach her....but sometimes i feel she shud learn herself......n at other times i feel she might end up nt learning bcoz surrounding don really permit her to...... dono how to get her out of her sensitiveness.....she shudnt do all that i did.... wana teach her..... lets c...... n now its only 3 weeks left......

as tld b4 i wsh to learn using time properly......but jus the matter of time ......donno when ll i .....i still find myself improved ovr previoustimes....

comin to ps part of it..... got a nice ps..... 600 crore industry..... its mast.... saw all process plants n stuff.... its amazing...... n a proper corporate setup here......was nt really happy on the first day.....but learnt a lifestyle there..... unlike other industries v could find pom applications at evryplace...... everything was innovative........ they hav uniform for employess.... n every1 hav the same unifrm...... u cant differentiate ppl jus by looking at them.... even the chairman comes in unifrm..... saw some gud company ethics tha they follow..... ps tot me a lot...... but m nt happy..... i still feel i didnt do thngs asi wantd them to.....

now new tots come up...... ll i b part of sch a setup in future??? wat ll i do..... y do i hav to wrk for salary so hard....wnt i b happy wd earning jus for living sake n fulfill my dads aims simontaneously...... my dad gave me some gud duties....... i feel responsible for all that he has asked me to do........ nw i cm to knw that i hav to comprmse smwer....again donno wat ll happen... then i say to mself ...cool dwn thers lot more time to thnk of sch stuf....i recently heard an IAS officer saying that he would b happy if someone sries heartfully saying that a gud man is dead when he dies/....this caught my attention...... ppl wshs r nt till they live only....they plan things after they depart too...selfishness i feel....

life is so interesting at times.....n suddenly bcms soo weird a place to b in.... i dont even understand y m i writing all this.... nw m cnfsd in a diff n better way than b4 times......hehee..

hav been listening to ek mohobbat n pray for me bro like anything..... afterall its rahman..... no xplanations required....

i finall started looking at things critically.... m obsrvin new n rescent frenz well.... jus to knw how worse a man can get at stuations..... tests successfull of date..... one r two confusing personalities also present..... ll let them knw wat i m upto soon.... when i write all this i m writing wd self esteem at its highest end...... lol...murgis wrds still in my ears......

ll come bac soon after ps wd a proper blog.... wanna talk about somethings i hav observd.......

cya 4 nw....

i dont have a title for this post.........i ll still keep learning frm life......

2007-05-04T11:35:00.000-07:00

hello frenz...

Long time that i posted 1........

xms all around............ 4 more to go.....................waiting to go home........
this life created a cognitive gap between me n home.......... b4 its used to be like i am the world to me at home........ n the family was like the universe.......knew nothin else........ but life didnt stop its attempt to teaach stuff..... this beautiful creation of law of nature........... never seems to end its play on me........ i am missing my family,......... i knw that they r also missing me......... i m here for a purpose........ so i knw that i have to complete this phase........

m waiting for those great days that ll arrive my way in 10 days time........ law of nature wanted me to do my ps also at home........i hope to maintain a ps blog too wid my ps dairy....... i ll keep in touch,,,,,,

i have a lot to do at home........ dad is waiting wid loads of work for me........ n my 2 cops that i got..... lot of ppl to visit........... n lot of things to learn............ loose weight........ moms after me 4 that.............

i hope i m changed nxt sem by the time i come bac...... but should i ........... am i not rite now...... i dont think i deserve a change for the very sake of a new experience.......... again ...its the wish of law of nature..........

All that if still future........... all that i hav to do now is my duty.....study well for the rest,......

this semester gave me a lot of satisfaction....i all terms to mention.........i defined to my self the characteristics of a v common human......... now i hav ppl who care 4 me.......... who ll always b wd me....... i knw my frenz now........i knw my limits to ppl now......... n i finally knw how to be happy in this materialstic world..........my ppl here take a good meaning for them frm wat ever i do..... but i knw that i havent done anything,,,,,,,thats how the world runs,,,,,,,

wid all this over by time......... yesterday was the time for me to study digital systems ....... the interest came in magically........ its so damn good that u dont feel like leaving it......... u ll keep wanting to learn more......... but cant help it........ i finished the xm today, although i didnt do it that really well.............. i hope this is how ppl feel after studying a sub proprly........ that gave me great feeling,,,,.... now i knw the happiness that a 10 p gets.............

i dont want to loose happiness.....

well get back to u ppl in holz.........

enjoy .time v less for us.......

paivaadu,,,,,,,,,

2007-03-27T06:03:00.000-07:00

i have tot enough of wats happening.......

one ultimate conclusion i got is that i think in cycles....

so stopeed thinking as it is of no use.....

i am actually thinking of stop to thinking ....lemme c......

i got a small brain wash session frm murgi last nite....which made me think of the reality that xists in this material world..... he said a person should have high self esteem.....he said discipline is the mst essential thing to live ...... he said nothing is impossible for any man,,,,,he said there is nothin called intelligence....its the interest n dedication that u show that matters......being a 5 pointer , the first thing that came to my mind was can i be a 10 p???? he said s.........i started laughing,,,,,....... then he started off again......telling me that this is wat low self esteem means.....
n he gave me enough xamples around me to confirm his points.........he then added that this was his way of looking at things.....

i said to my self that i ll be a high self esteemed person frm then....

but its nt as easy as i say.......

i ll never forget all that he tot me last nite........

but wats the use....i am nt disciplied enough to actually follow them.....( this reflects my low self esteem)

i slept last nite wid a great hope........ i learnt nt to under estimate myself......

i wake up 2day......the time was 8 am..........at 9 i had a paper o give...... n my routine started completely sidelining wat happened last nite.........

now i look back at it n feel was that me????? if s is this me........

now i pray the above one to give me the strength .....strength to change myself..... strength to wrk for him.......

its v who can make a change..........

v r here to do something.........

v should have that passion for our aims.....

should do something for cming all the way frm above to this world.....

i ll do something ....... wont waste my life......

ll first learn using the mst valuable thing properly......TIME.....

finally saying gud bye to my psychic posts, i have these few lines for u ........

GOD
has never promised
sun without rain
joy without sorrow
peace without pain
but has promised
strength for the day
rest for the labour
light for the way
grace for the trail
help from above
unfailing sympathy
undying love.............

ll b happy wid wat evr he has given me........

I am wat i thnk iam and wat u think i am.....

2007-03-02T21:32:00.000-08:00

i was sriously thikning .......

wat happeneing around......everything looks mysterious..........

y????

jus bcoz i cant answer my own questions that crop up in situations...........

i said to myself i dontknw myself............

i started thinking more..........

dont i even knw myself???????

wat am i???

i want to knw........

couldnt come up to a solution..........but came to a conclusion...........

i am wat i am.................

Not knwing my self is wat i am.................

when will i get a solution????? i dont knw wat to do???

should i try to b wat i should b?????r should i b wat world wants me to??????
when i say i am living wid the world.........then i am actually fooling myself .........i knw i m nt.........lots of confusion around.........i dont think i am one with everyone around...........there are ppl better than me .............buti i am nt wat ppl expect frm me................have tried to xplain these thing to myself for a long time....

i need a guide..........i knw my guide is always wd me...........
if i am wat i should be????? then wat should i actually be??????
i cant understand the complications here,,,,,,,,,,,,,,shd i try to keep them aside???? should i try to xplain myself ??????

one things that i would always follow......... is “REAL HAPPINESS LIES IN MAKING OTHERS HAPPY”............now.........can it b at the cost of my happiness..........after all happiness and sad ness are all relative,,,,,,,v define them........but i feel a great pleasure in making others happy...............

after a lng time away frm parents.......there are things i have learnt...........this world is nt wat i tot it was.......so many complications....so many things that u can never think of.......i am learning..........

after leaving home ....i started facing world........there is no satisfaction to ppl..............everybdy wants more..........no contentment...............then how can i actually make a person happy....n b happy there fore???? still i havnt forgot wat i hav been taught........i ll never leave my principles..........no matter wat happenes......i ll try to satisfy the self with all those things i do...........

when i see for myself.....am i actually selfish then.........n thats not my principle at all............

so i am confused again..........

i m confused.....

i m confused.......

i m learning,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

i m learning............

i m learning.................

i thank everyone around who have been teaching me......there r few mentionable names.....( mom,dad,teju,sharath,gagan,punchagon,9, vudem, varun, krovvidi, rajbabu, udayanna, manasa, piyush, anuvesh, siddharth, neha,srikanth, kamal,.....it goeson,...........i thank myself for teaching myself....above all......the super natural power which is controlling everything here..............

i thank the law of nature,........i thank the law of compassion...............i thank my guru.....................

life has changed,,,,,,,,,,,but not me.......

living has changed ..but not slef,,,,,,

i conclude here ..........after xperimentng ........afer knwing wat i m .........i am wat i m ............i donknw wat i m supposed to be............n i dont knw wat i am........ll soon find out........
ll b bac soon........

cya......

me am mine and myself

2007-02-03T22:43:00.000-08:00

wat is happening,,,,,,,,

Luck or divinity.......

wats happening around us......what r v up to.........where is our end......wats our destiny...........y r v like dis.........wat ll happen to us...........how are we able to think so much......wats makes me question such questions........how r v actually thinking........if u say brain.....then wats making the brain think.......dont tel me that animals dont hav brain.........they also think....diff is dat v develop tots....but they thinks of tots.......thats y animals life is preffered my many...

is there some thing that controls mind

????

how can a man hav diff characters when he is an animal himself......wat defines these characters........

y is the world like this......where is the other side of it......i m waiting........i want an answer......i am confused........

y is dat i m getting to c....at least 2 sides of everything that happens.......why is the law of nature playing a game up on me.........

i am waiting.........

i am waiting/////////

waiting for the very self realization.........

the ultimate aim of anyones life........which many don't realize........

oh ignorant folks......lets all get together and proceed towards light.........let us first realize that self realization the ultimate state for a social animal..........in bliss supreme is he who has thus known himself.......

i got in to something that has no starting and ending.......i cant help my confusion ......lemme b wat i am.......but again lies the question......wat am i????who am i ?????????

who am i ??

who am i???

who am i????

hope to come to a conclusion soon...

c u later then.....